A beggar can beg, I cannot commit suicide

First of week of February one morning she said me that some essential vegetables we should buy because there is no more vegetables in our stock to cook. Opened my wallet, found some coins and 3-4 paper notes. Picked up the shopper bag and left from the house aiming if can buy some cheap vegetables from the street vegetables vendor.

Roaming a lot at last found a vegetables vendor who was selling his vegetables at cheap rate. Just started of buying in the mean time an old man around 80 years old extended his dry thin hand to me and asking to beg him some coin or money. Counted the bill and my wallet, found not a single coin would remain there after purchasing the need vegetables as giving to beg that old man. I was ashamed that situation that I was not able to give some coins to that old man. 

It was hurted me, I had no more words to say that old man, just said mildly for own self, the days are coming as I would come on the street to ask for begging.

Marx did not consider beggar as working class or proletariat because they would have no fear to loose the sickle.

Once I had dream that one day revolution will occur as occurred in Russia, China, Cuba, Vietnam, and would happen equal distribution of wealth, trusted those words.

As on today when I look here and there thinking of survival, no ray is found anywhere. Sometimes think, should I commit suicide. When such thinking come into mind, think deeply about the merrit and demerrit side.

Merrit is nil but demerrit is several. I think commiting suicide is kinda nature of escaping. Neither I can beg nor I could commit suicide. Does it mean that do I love my life, somehow yes, but the correct answer is, if attempt to commit suicide is a crime and keeping debt is also a crime, then no need of commiting such crimes to put burden and social humiliation on the family members.

Struggle is on! Fight will never end! I will live, for the sake of changing hegemony of the system.

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